Self-Deprecation as Armor:

How First Responders & Veterans Use Humor to Cope with PTSD & Mental Health Challenges

The Defense Mechanism of Laughter

Laughter is often found where first responders and veterans gather. The topics are deep, and the jokes are frequently dark. When the alternative is living in the reality of that darkness, humour is often one of the only escapes we have. The utilization of self-deprecating humour can be both a sword to attack the problems we need to face; or in the worst of times, a suit of armour to lock yourself into and hide from the world.

This suit of armour can be a survival tool in the beginning of your mental health struggles, but what happens when that armor becomes too heavy? When it has locked you in the same space, experiencing the same battles repeatedly? When the laughter no longer serves as an escape, but rather the barrier to seeking the aid they desperately need?

Why Self-Deprecating Humor is So Common

Throughout their careers, first responders and veterans are taught and expected to be tough, resilient and unfazed by the chaos. You could be walking in a life-or-death situation or reflecting on the challenges experienced, and humor is a common way to bridge the gap and help maintain camaraderie. Turning that humour onto oneself is an excellent way to recognize the reality of suffering, yet never fully address it.

In a work environment where being vulnerable or showing difficulty can be easily mistaken and seen as weakness, making yourself a punchline feels safer than admitting it. ‘At least my nightmares keep me company at night’ or ‘I’ll sleep when I’m dead’, are often subtle cries for help or support and are problems that likely will never be openly discussed.

The Double-Edged Sword

In high-stress professions, trauma bonding is prevalent and utilizing humour helps keep the darkness of the job at bay. On the surface, the connection and relief that self-deprecating jokes provide, help show everyone that you get it and they aren’t alone. Some monsters hide beneath this sense of camaraderie amongst fellow first responders and veterans. Like with most things, too much is not suitable for anyone and these can be a few hidden monsters.

Minimization of Real Issues – Constantly joking about struggles can make individuals believe their pain isn’t “serious enough” to warrant help.‘If I can joke about it, it’s not that serious,’ is a quote I have heard personally too many times to count.
Delayed Mental Health Support — When everything is a joke, reaching out for therapy or peer support feels unnecessary or embarrassing. You must seek support if you can’t stop joking about the struggles.
Increased Isolation – When humor becomes a shield, it prevents deeper conversations about trauma and healing. Leading you to struggle more with only your thoughts and memories dominating your free time and mind.
Emotional Exhaustion – Over time, the effort to laugh things off can become exhausting, making it harder to process emotions healthily. Eventually, it leaves you feeling empty and soulless as you watch time pass you by.

When the Armor Becomes a Cage

Self-deprecating humour isn’t bad inherently; it is an incredible resilience tool. There needs to be a time when you can check in with yourself to assess if this is a tool or a hindrance in your healing journey. The goal with coping mechanisms like deprecation is that they need to complement, not replace, other forms of emotional processing and healing. Recognizing when the humor stops being a tool and starts to mask the real suffering is crucial.

When do you know that the armor is becoming too heavy to bear? Take some time to consider the following four questions.

Do I avoid serious conversations about my mental health?
Do I feel uncomfortable when others express concern about me?
Am I using humor to push people away instead of connecting with them?
Do I believe my struggles aren’t “bad enough” to seek help?

If you answered yes to any of these, it might be time to seek other support outlets and maintain humor as a tool rather than a trap. You deserve a fulfilling and enjoyable life; don’t let your sense of humor get in your way.

Finding Balance: Humor & Healing

The goal isn’t for you to abandon humor but to balance it with other forms of support. Incorporating some of the following tools can help provide that connection and support that many need:

Peer Support Groups – Sharing experiences with those who genuinely understand can provide validation beyond humor.
Professional Therapy – Working with a counselor who understands first responder and veteran trauma can help unpack more profound struggles.
Journaling & Reflection – Writing down thoughts and feelings can bridge the gap between humor and honesty.
Checking In With Yourself – If humor feels like a reflex rather than a choice, it might be worth exploring what’s beneath the laughter.

While all four of these are great tools, they alone are not the solution to the mental health struggles and illnesses that our first responders and veterans face. Finding the blend of tools and techniques that works with each individual is a long and tenuous road, which should and must be traveled to help get these individuals to the other side and into a more productive life trajectory.

A Call for Real Conversations

It’s time to acknowledge that humor and pain can coexist—but humor should never be the only option. First responders and veterans have carried the weight of service long enough. Support is available, and seeking help doesn’t mean giving up the laughter—it means ensuring that laughter remains a source of joy rather than a mask for suffering.

Healing doesn’t mean losing your sense of humor—it means making space for laughter and support.